Dear New York City-

We had a great six months. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. I loved our weekend movie dates, and our Sunday walks in the park. I loved all your energy and exuberance, which made me want to live fuller as well. However, this relationship cannot continue. As much as I like shopping so much better at the easy to manuver West Side Market, I can no longer stand for your $6.00 Kashi cereals and your $8.00 ice creams. I can't handle paying the $1,100 rent in my large, yet old, falling apart apartment, in which it seems ants will make a lovely home in the spring. While I appreciate that I had a washer in my apartment, a great feat in NYC, I do not appreciate that you flooded my apartment with mold, and consistently make me hang my clothes to dry. I love that you have public transportation, the one thing actually cheaper than other places. I don't love, however, waiting 15 minutes for the train only to find out that I have to stand wedged between a man who smells like moldy cheese, and a women who looks like it. While I love the elegance of  your movie theatres, and the simple fact that every movie always plays first here, I cannot handle sneaking the $9.00 movie ticket and feeling like I got a great deal, because I didn't pay the full $12.00.  I love that you encompass all of the careers I ever wanted to take part in from theatre to the media world. But I hate you most of all for not letting me be a part of it- any of it. I worked really hard, but you with all your will and might made sure  not to let me in. I can easily forgive the $8.00 ice cream and maybe even the $1,100 apartment that I wake up to in fear that I bathtub will fall on my head. But I cannot, under any circumstances forgive you for how you have made me feel by excluding me from everything that I loved and tried so hard to be part of. For that, I don't know if I can ever look at you the same way.  So this is the end of our journey, for now at least. If you decide to change your mind and treat me with more respect, I might consider letting you in again. Until then, know that despite all you have put me through, I still love you. You were everything I thought you would be. In the future, I hope that maybe we can put this behind us and start anew. Until then, this is it. Goodbye NYC- we had a good run.

Love always,

Dana

So as I was walking into the movie theatre a women in front of me with her husband totally trips and falls. I could tell she felt stupid so I said to her "Seriously, don't worry about it. I fall all the time. You totally picked the right person to fall in front of." She responded by saying I was sweet and we quickly became bumper buddies. 

As I was leaving the movie, which was a good movie, but not nearly as uplifting as I wanted it to be, I am walking along Broadway trying to figure out what way to go to get home as quickly as possible as I still felt awful and just wanted the comfort of my teddy bears. Of course there is a metal square covering a part of the cement and I totally trip and fall flat on my face. It hurt. It was not one of those "haha laugh it off get right back up again" falls. Luckily, I am fine and came home with nothing more than a few pulled muscles, and some very big scrapes and bruises, along with a tiny sore ankle. For a minute there on the ground I thought I sprained it. I just thought today was kind of a serious of ironic events.

It would be super if any time now they turned into very positive ironic events. 

I really hope that Whit made it there safely. I know his flight was super delayed but I HATE not being able to talk to him and just make sure he is ok. Very scary. 

Til next time.

So...I have decided to start a blog for my own personal self-discovery purposes. At this point in my life it will probably be kind of depressing but either way, I am writing it mostly for me. I haven't had one of these in a while, and back in the day it used to be a release.

So I have not been able to stop crying. I mean I have, but it inevitably starts again. I mean I should believe him. I WANT to believe him. I think that part of the reason it makes me so upset is because I feel like the only other time we have gone this long without talking is when we were broken up. It brings back some of those feelings and I am just so terrified that he is going to get back and realize he does not want to be with me. He tells me he will and that I have nothing to worry about- so I am going to really try to believe that because that would make me feel a lot better than what is swirling around in my head at the moment. I just wish I had something else to distract me. I am really upset about all this job stuff but him leaving was the icing on an already really awful tasting cake.

I went to central park today to try to make myself feel better. I walked around for a long time and I met a cockapoo named Molly. She was VERY cute. Five years old and from Australia. That is why she was bigger than normal cockapoos in the U.S.  I saw a new part of the park I had not seen before. I found this really cool restaurant  ( two expensive to eat at) on the water and then I found a place where you could rent boats in central park. Very cool. I also saw the friends fountain. I was finally feeling better and sat down on this fence thing overlooking the water. This couple comes and sits down next to me. We are sitting there for five minutes or so and then I feel him hit my leg. He hits my leg by accident as he is getting down on one knee to propose. That is how close he was to me. I heard the whole thing- I felt like he was almost asking me to marry him. So of course I awkwardly start crying again. The ring was beautiful although the girl seemed more excited about the ring then the guy. Then a photographer comes out from far away who the guy had obviously hired to take pictures and a few other family members and they start clapping. I was just sitting there crying. I swear- the weirdest stuff happens to me. Like really.

At least this could be another weight loss tactic again as I have probably put on a few- and I am not really eating much again. Oh well. I wish more than anything that I had a dog. I can be crying and then see a dog and get to pet them and before I know it I am smiling. 

I really am excited for Whit to have this experience but I am SO excited for when he is done for us to be able to actually start being together. I think for a while that we needed the distance. But now I am so over the distance it is not even funny. 

I am going to see Sunshine Cleaning tonight, which will hopefully be good or at least entertaining. Still trying to just get my mind off of everything. Very hard to do.

I hate that I have to leave New York when it really is such an amazing city. Oh well. Nothing I can do unless someone just wants to hand me a ton of money. Which would be pretty sweet.

I guess this is the end for now. But I feel like I probably will write a lot.

XOXO